Friday, May 8, 2009

Au Naturale Feedback

When responding to a peer's poem, please do the following:

Copy the following and fill in the blanks:
Number ____ is editing __________'s poem entitled " ______."

Then answer the following questions. Make sure you number your responses appropriately.

1. Does it have a title? If yes: Is it a good one? Why/why not? If no: Offer the author some suggestions for a good title.

2. Does the first stanza/few lines catch your attention or make you want to keep reading? Why/why not? Describe what the author does well in the first stanza/first few lines, AND/OR give the author some suggestions to improve the poem's beginning.

3. Does the piece provide enough imagery? Indicate the parts that need more development.

4. Indicate any parts that need clarification (confusing parts).

5. Indicate the BEST line or section of the poem and explain your choice. In other words, tell the author what (s)he did best.

6. Indicate that parts of the poem that need the MOST work, then offer the author some suggestions for improvement.

7. Is the poem's ending effective? Do you feel that the piece is truly finished, or is the ending too abrupt? Discuss and offer the author some suggestions for improvement.

8. What, in your opinion, is the poem's theme/message? Does the title fit the message of the poem? Discuss why or why not.

9. Identify any poetics used (for example, metaphor, simile, onomatopoeia, alliteration, assonance, personification, imagery, tone), then discuss which one(s) the author utilizes the best.

10. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), how would you rate this poem?


  1. Joe
    1.A good title for your poem might be spring or That faithful day
    2.Your fist line rally drags me in and make me interested in reading through
    3.Your poem really makes me picture the trees
    4.Your poem is very clear
    5. me favorite line is the last one
    6. It's really good but use a different word than he
    7.I think you could have made the poem longer
    8.I think the message of your poem is that your glad winter is finally over
    9.I couldn't find any metaphors, onomatopoeia, or assonance


  2. Number 4 is editing Andy's poem.

    1) A suggestion for your poem title is "Changing Earth".
    2) It kind of gets my attention but might not interest me if i was just skimming through.
    3) I think your poem is good with the imagery. I think it would be better if you used "...quenched it's thirst by soaking up all the water...". It would make your poem a little more interesting instead of "...soak up all the water...".
    4) There are no confusing spots.
    5) "A stream slowly erodes away at the earth as a baby willow tree..." is the best part of your poem.
    6) I think it would be better if you used "...quenched it's thirst by soaking up all the water...". It would make your poem a little more interesting instead of "...soak up all the water...".
    7) I think your ending is to abrupt because you could have talked a little more about what happened after the farmer chops down the tree.
    8) I think the themes of the poem is that there are too many people cutting down trees and not enough preserving them. That also earth is always moving and changing and is never the same from day to day. He has no title.
    9) There is imagery: "A stream slowly erodes away at the earth...". Andy uses mostly imagery if he used anything else i can't find it.
    10) 7

  3. number 12 is editing Allison's poem

    1. no title. some good ones might be little bug or uncertain

    2. it makes me want to keep reading because i just started to wonder about how a poem about a small bug would be and when we were outside i kept thinking about the sun n my back being hot.

    3. the whole poem was really good on imagery i could imagin the whole thing the only thing that wasn't the best was the last 2 lines

    4.the 4th line i had to read a few times to get it the poem flowed then i kept stumbling over that part

    5. the 2nd a 3rd line were the best because i could really see the whole thing about the bug flying to the shade and the birds and things after it.

    6. the thing that needs the most is the end to me it just kind of ends like it got kinda chopped off like its talking about the bug then how its uncertain

    7. the end was abrupt to me mabey to say more abouut the bug or the area aroubd the bug

    8. the theme is that the little thing needs to find some shelter and hes a prey and predator like open game and you just never really know about what he is.

    9. imagery was the best used and i couldnt find any others.

    10. 7

  4. Number 100 is editing Tory's poem.

    1) No title, but I suggest "The Outside"

    2) The first line doesn't really catch my eye. I would suggest using more bigger words than little words.

    3) The middle line says "Many things to see outdoors." And it makes me picture a lot of different things. The last line I would say needs more development.

    4) None.

    5) "Many things to see outdoors." I like that line the most. Because the others are sort of dull. It makes me picture the most.

    6) The top line of the poem needs more improvement. It a very vague statement. I would've put more detail to catch the readers eye more.

    7) I feel as if the poem came to an abrupt stop. If anything, I would've put the bottom line to have more detail then the others, other than the top.

    8) The theme of this poem is that everything you see has a meaning. (No title)

    9) I liked the imagery in this poem. You utilized the whole "many things to see outdoors" well.

    10) 4

  5. Number 13 is editing Kaycee's poem.

    1. I think the title of this poem could be something like "Nature Says Hello".

    2. The first stanza really catches my attentiona and makes me want to read the rest of the poem, becuase she starts to talk about all the things there is to see in nature and i want to here what she sees...

    3. This poem has a lot of imagery. She talks about the buds and how they remind her of a new born baby and it makes me picture the buds coming out.

    4. I understand the entire poem.

    5. My favorite part of this poem was when she said that you have to really look to be able to see all the beauty that nature has to offer.

    6. I think she could've used a little bit better word choice to make the poem sound a little more rich. Like in the last stanza she could've said something like "A breeze blows the leaves in a wave-worthy fashion as if to say hello and welcome us as we welcome them..."

    7. I feel the ending is good in that it doesn't just cut off out of no where. It makes a lot of sense.

    8. I think the theme of this poem is that you have to look deeper at nature to see the true beauty in it and that it might take time but you'll get there.

    9. She used a LOT of imagery and she used it really well. I could really "see" the things she was describing as she said them. She used similes, metaphors, and more.

    10. I give it a 9.

    Great Job Kaycee (:

  6. Number 77 is editing Cheyanne's poem.

    1.No title. I think that a good title for this poem would be Anticipation. Because you talk about waiting for the rain to come.

    2.Yes, the first few lines of the poem catch my attention. It makes me wonder what i'm looking for. And i kept reading so i could find out what was almost there. You did very well with being secretive and mysterious in the first few lines.

    3. Your poem has a lot of imagery, especially the last line talking about the rain on hot pavement. I don't think your poem could use any more development.

    4. I don't think there are any confusing parts, but maybe you could have gone on in another stanza to talk about the rain on the pavement more.

    5. My favorite line of the poem is Its almost here now. I think it sets up the entire poem. It increases the anticipation to find out whats is comming.

    6. So it was more about nature you could add another stanza and talk about the rain some more.

    7. Yes. It think the poem's end is effective. You could go on to talk about the rain more but you don't have to. The way you ended it worked well also.

    8. I think that theme of the poem is that the rain is coming. There is no title but the title i suggested, Anticipation, would deliver the message of the poem well.

    9. This poem uses imagery by talking about starting to smell the rain and then again at the end when it comes out and says "rain on hot pavement" The poem also uses a nice, mellow, calm tone.

    10. 8

  7. number 23 is editing joe's

    1. a good title would be spring or a new seson

    2. yea it is a good first line

    3.yes it shows imagery, i can see a tree just in bloom

    4.there is no parts that need carification.

    5.i like the line that says "The birds flying in the sky" because it reminds me of a gull flying down by the lake

    6.the second line needs to be spelled right. instead of he put the. you shuld check your spelling.

    7. the ending is fine it dosen't feal like it comes to short.

    8.the theme is spring if finaly here.

    9.he uses imagary, it paints a picture of a bird flying over a buding tree.

    10.i think this poem is like a 8.5 to 9

  8. Number 62 is editing Torys poem

    1.For a good title, it could be The Outside. Since your talking about what you see outside and such.

    2.The first line in your poem doesn't catch my eye, i would say try to be more artistic or use better wording.

    3.When you said, the outside is pretty. Describe what is pretty.


    5.My favorite line was the bee just passed me because i can picture the bee buzzing pass you.

    6.Many things to see outdoor in your second line need some work because you should say what you see outdoor instead of saying there are many things outdoor.

    7.The ending piece i think is not truly finsihed. Next time try adding another sentence or 2.

    8.The message in the poem is there are pretty things you can see outdoor for example a bee. There was no title.

    9.Theres imagery,tone.
    The best thing in your poem for imagery is the bee passed me.

    10.2 in a half

  9. number 1 is editing brody's poem

    1)no,now I understand

    2)yea,it makes me want read more about nature

    3)a little,the whole poem


    5)insects all over the ground,it tells whats on th ground

    6)the last line,thats what nature is

    7)no,the poem ends a little boaring

    8)theme-what nature is




  10. Number 3 is editing Jas's poem

    1. This poem doesn't have a title but I think that Under the sky would be a good one.

    2. The first few stanza's make me want to keep reading because of all the adjectives.

    3. I think the piece does very well with imagery except with describing tree's.

    4. There are no confusing parts.

    5. My favorite part is everything is so beautiful under the sky because thats true.

    6.The only part that needs work is the title and describing the tree's. Big and green is plain.

    7. The ending does complete the poem in my opinion.

    8. The theme I think is to look at nature.

    9. There was a ton of imagery. Like:
    delicate birds lie, green grass buzzing bee's fly, tree's big and green, root sprawl, robins so light and spry, .
    You definitely used imagery the best, but there wasn't much else.

    10. I would give you a 7

  11. number 99 is commenting on andys poem.

    1. no title, but i would suggest something like the circle of life or something like it.

    2. yes the first line catches my eye because as soon as i read it i picture a stream moving along and i want to know what is so important about what it was/is doing.

    3. i like how it starts with a little imagery but maybe when you talk about the tree you could talk about the the color or if its moving. maybe how the farmer looks as he chops it down

    4. there are no confusing parts, its a pretty simple poem

    5. i like how you started out with imagery with the stream and let it take you to the tree being cut down. the poem flows, like a stream.

    6. i think you should talk a little more about the tree or the farmer. the ending could use a little work.theres nothing rlly building up to the tree being cut down maybe you could have something that happens to the tree so it needs to be cut down. or you could say what the farmer looks like as he does or how he feels or how some one else feels about the tree being cut down. explain how he acts as he does it.

    7. like i said in number six. ^^ extend it a little bit it could be longer that may make it better.

    8. i think the meaning might be nature will do what it wants and we cant do much about it, we are just a part of it and even if we dont want to do something we may have to in order to help or maybe that our actions can sometimes be bad for the nature around us.

    9. all i could see was imagery and for the most part it was used well maybe you could add some more poetics maybe a metaphor something like the farmer chopped down the tree agirly like a wild animal. that would have good imagery as well.

    10. i would give it either a or a 6.

  12. Number 15 is editing Joe's poem

    1. A suggestion for a title would be "The First Spring Day"

    2. The first line could do a bit more to get me interested.

    3. The piece provides enough imagery.

    4. The poem needs no clarification.

    5. The second line was my favorite part of the whole poem. "(t)he birds flying in the sky." It put a very vivid image in my head, almost like I could see the birds flying across the sky.

    6. The first line, "The trees have their buds," needs some work. You need a stronger first line to really pull me in to your poetry. I would suggest using some more descriptive words to really get the point across.

    7. The ending of the poem was effective. It was simple, but it ended the poem quite well. I really liked the fact that you didn't try to do too much to end the poem, only what was necessary.

    8. To me, the theme of the poem is happiness for change.

    9. I noticed 2 examples of imagery. My favorite example of imagery was "(t)he birds flying in the sky." I imagined the birds flying very clearly.

    10. 6.5 out of 10 (OK, but could use some improvements.)

  13. number 2 is editing keely's poem
    1. a good title would be "alive again"
    2. It does catch my attention at first because she talks about the sun and how it makes her feel alive.
    3. It needs more imagery especially when you say like an echoing ring i dont understand that.
    4. "an echoing ring" needs more clarification
    5. My favorite part was when you said "i dont know how ever it could do so much harm"
    6. The very beginning could use a little more work its kind of confusing to me.
    7. The poems ending is one of my favorite parts because your saying "like im ending my whole life and starting anew" the ending isnt abrut at all
    8. I think that the message is nature is so much more than you see. No title
    9. imagery needs work. there were lots of similies and metaphores.
    10. 7 good job keely =]

  14. Number 55 is editing Kaitlin's poem

    1. you could call the poem spring.

    2. yes it makes me think about spring.

    3. No more development.

    4. I found none.

    5. Your first line was the best, it made me think.

    6. I didn't find any.

    7. I think you could have gone into a little more detail about what was happening.

    8. I think that the message of the poem was that spring is here.

    9. The whole poem was a huge example of imagery.

    10. 7

  15. Number 4 is editing Tessa's poem.

    1.) Your title is CupCake and it has nothing to do with the poem so it doesn't make much sense.
    2.) It catches my attention and it is nice rhyme to it at the end of each line.
    3.) The imagery is good, but you have me confused at "...will you gives a beat"
    4.) "will you gives a beat" needs some clarification.
    5.) My favorite part is "Robin, Blue Bird wont you sing a note so i can know to take off this coat."
    6.) What you really need to work on is the spelling and punctuation. Try writing out what you want to type before hand if anything looks wierd look it up in a dictionary or do spell check (on Word, Apple, or whatever type of computer you have available to you.)
    7.) It's not abrupt because you mention "Slow down and all of nature will be seen." Telling us to slow down is like your coming to an ending and the poem is going to slow down, too.
    8.) I think the message is that if you wait long enough and look carefully enough you'll see the sign of spring you're waiting for.
    9.) Imagery is good and I couldn't find any similes, metaphors, onomatopoeia, etc.
    10.) 8.5-9 Good Job! ;)

  16. #81 is editing Kaitlin's poem

    1.No title, but how about the start of spring
    2.The first line doesn't drag me in, maybe more detail
    3. I don't really picture anything when i read your poem
    4. very clear
    5. i didn't think any of your lines were the best
    6. Personal i think it could of used a little more work
    7. you could have made it longer
    8. i don't think there is a theme
    9. I couldn't find any
    10. 3 :[

  17. Number 3 editing Brody's poem
    1. This poem doesn't have a title but a good one would be Understanding.

    2. The first lines doesn't want to make me keep reading because "Petals up and down" is very plain. Saying something about going or getting outside would be more interesting then talk about flowers.

    3. The poem in a whole doesn't provide much imagery at all, except maybe you could get by, by saying insects on the ground. The whole poem needs more.

    4. The only confusing part was petals up and down. Does that mean up and down a field?

    5. The best part would be now I understand because now you understand nature.

    6. The part that needs more work is showing imagery. Try to describe the flowers, and understanding.

    7. You could have gone more into understanding nature but the way you ended it was fine too.

    8. I don't really know the theme of this.

    9. There is no imagery, similes, onomatopoeias, alliterations,assonance, personification, or much tone either.

    10. I would give it a 5

  18. Number 77 is editing Joshua's Poem.

    1. This poem doesn't have a title. A good title for it would be "The Wreckers"

    2. The first lines catch my attention because they are very descriptive. I like how you said the wood pecker pecks and the woodchuck chucks. It helps to picture the setting of the poem.

    3. The poem has a lot of imagery. I don't think it needs more in any part of the poem.

    4. This poem is overall very easy to understand.

    5. The best line in the poem is "Still today the wreckers wreck, and still today they do nothing." I also liked when you used the word "Muckiness" It fits well.

    6. Your spelling through out the poem could use some work. In line 9, you could also clearify who they are. The first time i read it I was confused. Once I read it again I realized "they" were the wreckers.

    7. I think the ending truely ends the poem. If you had ended with the line "So help now and stop the madness and the wreckers from wrecking" the ending would have been too abrupt but when you added "Because we all are the wreckers" It delivers the message that what you can to to help is to make sure you don't become a wrecker and if every one does that then there will not be any wreckers left.

    8. In my opinion, the poems theme is that people need to start to care for the environment and stop tearing down forests and contaminating animals' habitats. There is no title but my suggestion would fit well because it hints towards the message.

    9. In this poem you use a lot of Imagery. While reading it i can picture where we went to go take notes. and if i hadn't gone to take notes i would picture something relatively the same. You use 2 onomatopoeia's (pecks and chucks). This poem has a relaxed tone at first and then at the end the tone be comes urgent. You use imagery the best.

    10. 7

  19. Number 100 is editing on Kaitlin's poem.

    1. No title, but I would suggest "Senses"

    2. It does make me want to keep reading because I like how you used, what you smell, what you see, and what you feel.

    3. It does make me picture a couple things. Things like the outdoors on a sunny warm day.

    4. None.

    5. "The sight of tree buds" I really liked because it made me think of that there are just buds for the time being, soon be turned into leaves.

    6. I don't think it needs much improvement. But I wouldn't have made it into a haiku, just because you could have expressed more if you didn't.

    7. I feel as if it didn't come to an abrupt stop, but I would've liked more detail at the end.

    8. The message is that summer is coming soon. (No title)

    9. I feel imagery was best used.

    10. 7

  20. Number 44 is editing jenn's poem

    1. No, I think that "Hidden Beauty" would be a good title

    2. yes, because it is original and well written. I like the way you describe yourself in the beginning.

    3. I think that you could be a little more decriptive about what type of nature is around you.

    4. No clarification

    5. The best part was how you showed how much people really appriciate nature today.

    6.I think that you could describe the middle a little more. Like how the nature affected you and how it makes you think about what is out there to be found.

    7. The ending was very good. I liked how you ended it with your intentions of how other people think about nature.

    8. The theme of her poem was to show how unappretiated nature is today.

    9. Imagery, how the nature is moving and floating.

    10. I would give you an 8.

  21. Number 23 is editing Kaitlin. a good title would be spring

    2.yes it makes me want to keep reading shows imagery.


    5.the part with the sun coming out. doesn’t need work

    7.i think your poem could be longer.

    8.that spring is here

    9.imagary it paints a picture.

    10.7.5-8 good job Kait =]

  22. Number 62 is editing Brodys poem.

    1.A good title would be Spring, I understand.

    2.It does catch my eye, petals up and down i can picture blowing from the wind.

    3.I could picture it all imagery, doesnt need any help.


    5."Now i understand" because you know what spring is about and can picture it.

    6.You could improve it by being more descriptive by adding more too the poem.

    7.I dont think it was truly finished. Could've put a little more to the ending to make it fantastic.

    8.That he understands what springs all about, not just simple things. No title.

    9.Lots of imagery, the whole thing


  23. Number 13 is editing Tessa's entitled "CupCake"

    1. I don't really uderstand the title... it's kind of random.

    2. I love the way this poem is started. It's a lot different from all the other ones i read and it really draws me in.

    3. I think she could've done a little bit more to describe what she saw. But i could really "hear" what she was talking about.

    4. The part when she says to slow down and take in nature is a little bit random and i'm not sure how it goes with the rest...

    5. "Robin, Blue Bird wont you sing a note
    so i can know to take off this coat"... i loved these lines. I'm not sure why.

    6. I think she could do a little bit more than to lead up to the ending of her poem.

    7. It feels finished it's just a little bit abrupt.

    8. I think the message is that you need to just sit back and take in nature and all it has to offer.

    9. A little bit of imagery.

    10. 7 great poem, Tessa (:

  24. Number 15 is editing Carson's poem entitled "NATURE"

    1.Yes, there is a title. It is OK. The title is short and simple, but it could be more descriptive.

    2.Yes, the first line really pulls me into the poem. The description of the tree is really well done.

    3.Yes, there is imagery, although towards the end, you could do with more description.

    4. You need to organize the poem into lines a little bit better, especially in the middle.

    5."I watch the yellow buds on the tree blowen in the wind, as a bumbble bee buzzez by," was the best part of the poem for me. Although, it wasn't perfect, it was descriptive, and put a nice image in my head.

    6. "there are no grapes yet but lots of danielions." You really need to improve on this part of the poem. It offers no description of the grapes or dandelions at all.

    7. The poem's ending is not effective. It is very abrupt. It doesn't really provide much closure to the story. Carson, I would try to wrap the story up a bit better. Otherwise it looks like you typed half the poem, and forgot to type the rest.

    8. The message in this poem is observe nature and you will find beauty. The title matches the message reasonably well.

    9. I can only see imagery, not any other poetics. However, you used imagery very well in your piece. The best example was "I watch the yellow buds on the tree blowen in the wind"

    10. 4 out of 10.

  25. #88 is editing jas's poem.
    1.No title. Maybe nature will be a good title.
    2.ya it does because it gets you thinking about the birds wrestling in the trees. it doesn't have alot of imaginary ideas.
    4.the third line.
    5.the last line was the best.
    6.the second and third line be more specific.
    7.the ending was good but he could add some more.
    8.its about nature and some small stuff in nature.
    9.he was rhyming and i think that is what he did the best.
    10.a 6.